In 2017 two social work graduate students at North Carolina State University completed a survey of the needs and assets of residents in the Cameron Park neighborhood for use by a steering committee of residents who were interested in aging in place themselves (currently known as Cameron Commons and part of the national Village to Village Network). The survey revealed many interesting findings, including the facts that:

– 2/3 of respondents were female; 

-13% of them were single or widowed; 

-11% were living alone; and

 -42% wanted opportunities to socialize with neighbors. 

Interviews with neighbors elicited quotes such as:

  • “You need conversation starters, I love stories, I love listening to stories.” 
  • “I think everybody benefits if there are ways to have small group conversations, because conversation is where people begin to share, or trust.”
  • “There are a lot of people who are willing to go do something, but they are not willing to take the extra effort [to plan]”

The full report was shared through the Cameron Park listserv with neighbors, and one of the steering committee members wrote an overall summary of findings in the aging in place initiative’s newsletter. 

     To address the students’ findings expressed in the quotations and to address a priority set in the steering committee’s strategic plan, the steering committee approved a six-week series of a women’s gathering that I had envisioned. Additional reasons to pursue such a group at this time was that some neighbors had directly requested such a group of me and that a social work student would soon be assigned to work with our aging in place neighborhood initiative under my supervision, who would need an interesting practicum experience. The goal of the women’s gathering was to be for participants to know each other better, feel more connected to the community, less isolated. The use of a set of cards that asked questions regarding many different topics and a set of ground rules agreed upon by group members were visualized as becoming a creative method of energizing people to get to know their neighbors as part of our aging in place initiative (now Cameron Commons). There was no commitment that the group would meet beyond the six weeks. 

     The group I facilitated was organized in the fall of 2017 and met for 6 Thursday evenings in a room at the Alexander Y using “Girls’ Night Out” cards and ground rules to guide their process while a social work student was present to be a participant observer and to write evaluation report following conclusion of the group. While there had been no commitment that the group would meet after the 6 week series, 10 of the participants wished to keep meeting informally as friends in each other’s homes and have continued to do so. As of the writing of this report in spring of 2018, they have been meeting monthly for over a year for dinner together. They at first called themselves “Marty’s Groupies,” but are presently calling themselves “Marty’s Mixed Nuts.” 

     In the fall of 2018, Iorganized another group of women (with one participant repeating from the previous year’s group), and met for 6 Thursday evenings at the Y with a new social work student, a similar format, and the same goal. As with the previous group, no commitment of time was requested beyond the 6 weeks. However, as had happened previously, 10 participants in the fall of 2018 series decided to keep meeting monthly following the six sessions, for adventures that have included seeing a play together, creating art together at Artspace, meeting for topic discussion over dinner in a home, going to a neighborhood art museum together, and going together to a concert band performance in which one of the group participants was playing. This group has named themselves the “Juliets”, Just Us Ladies Interested in Eating Together Sometimes.

     Evaluation forms were developed and administered to participants at the conclusion of each of the 6-week series in both 2017 and 2018, and reports written of findings were developed by the social work students. Findings both years revealed that 100% of participants offering feedback in answer to the question “Do you feel more connected to the community, less isolated, as a result of participation in this Women’s Gathering with “Girls’ Night Out” cards?”, responded “Yes.” Additional comments in answer to the question included as well:

– “The format was very nice. I think the cards facilitated meaningful exchanges which wouldn’t have occurred (or occurred so quickly) in a cocktail party or book club setting.”

– “Being new to the area and recently retired, getting to know this group of women has made me feel less isolated. My female friendships are very important for my wellbeing…”

– “The cards did serve to create a group and the routine of passing the deck from person to person as well as the ability to reject a card all played into an experience of getting to know each other bette over the six weeks.” 

      In answer to the question “What did you enjoy about the group?”, responses included:

– “Meeting neighbors I didn’t know. Discovering similarities with other women that I would not have known otherwise. The women are awesome!”

– “Getting to know my neighbors in a friendly and safe environment is a big plus. The discussions are thoughtful and candid, and it’s very helpful to hear different points of view and experiences.”

– “I enjoyed meeting my new neighbors. It was great timing for me, having just moved to Cameron Park. I thought the format was perfect. The cards stimulated discussion that allowed us to get to know each other, without any pressure. You could share as much or as little as you’d like.”

– “Everyone was thoughtful and kind. There was authenticity and good humor. I feel I have some new friends too. People came because they wanted to do so.”

     In conclusion, then, following participation in six week Women’s Gathering series, “Marty’s Mixed Nuts” and “Juliets” are now two groups, of ten women each, who meet together informally each month to play and to get to know each other better socially. Neither group is currently recruiting new members. 

     In Article II “Purpose” of the Cameron Commons Bylaws, 4 objectives are written:

“1. To increase the level of community within our neighborhood;

2. To stay in our homes, maintaining our independence, autonomy, and freedom, through informed decision making, while being fulfilled as long as we can, and helping others to do the same;

3. To continue to be a vital part of the neighborhood as we age by maintaining our social connections with people of all ages in our neighborhood, and helping others to do the same.

4. To make informed decisions about how we wish to live our lives as we address our own aging process.”

Hopefully, the Women’s Gatherings and their follow-up groups, along with other neighborhood initiatives, have been an integral part of Cameron Commons meeting their objectives. A fringe benefit of having friends that live nearby is that we use less gasoline travelling to see each other, and as a result decrease the size of our carbon footprint, doing our small part to save the planet. Another more obvious benefit is that the groups can provide a sense of social integration into a community, an important social determinant of health.

If interested in learning more, contact me at 919-346-4992.-Marty Lamb, Neighbor in Cameron Park, Cameron Commons Board member